Premier League Reviews 233

The dithering of the premier league for more than 17 weeks has brought great pain on the Geordie nation, a pain that I can express in words which compares to my use of Veet hair removal cream on my gentleman’s log cabin. I will digress, to explain...
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the t*rd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my a**e. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, a**e in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my a**e while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...MUCH LIKE THE CORRUPT PREMIER LEAGUE.

Corrupt organisation who treat certain clubs fans with massive contempt

Corrupt! How did the takeover not go through?!

Corrupt, terrible handling of Nufc takeover, no communication absolutely disgusting!

CORRUPT TO THE CORE!!
- Backhanders with Qatar
- ‘friends’ with the big 6
- Spotfixing

AVOID AVOID AVOID. Personally I’d recommend Bundusliga

Disgracefully corrupt organisation. Run in cartel fashion by Richard masters and his cronies .they have brought the premier league into disrepute, and is unfit for purpose. There was no cause for the sorry state of affairs concerning the take over of Newcastle United f,.c

CORRUPT! CORRUPT! CORRUPT!

How can a company that is supposed to act in ALL its members interests treat any club not just nufc in such an appalling manner, to completely ignore the voice of tens of thousands of football fans, members of parliament and even the prime minister is mind boggling, this company now needs to come clean and explain itself. Stop hiding Masters, and put your head above the parapet and start answering some awkward questions.

Absolute joke of an organisation.
The handling of the NUFC takeover has been a PR disaster and only shows the corruption that lies within the PL organisation.

t’s bad when Newcastle Fans have to…
It’s bad when Newcastle Fans have to come on to trustpilot to give a negative review
Because the Premier League feel we are not worth talking too
Any other business would be wanting to keep there customers happy, not the Premier League!!

Totally disgraceful handling of the NUFC takeover. Still no comment now is beyond believe by these very highly paid executives. Should be made to resign. Hopefully wor Boris will make them talk.

Pl corrupt to the core... Corrupt members taking back handers... Masters pl chairman will do anything for corruption enverlope

It’s bad when Newcastle Fans have to come on to trustpilot to give a negative review
Because the Premier League feel we are not worth talking too
Any other business would be wanting to keep there customers happy, not the Premier League!!

CORRUPT CORRUPT CORRUPT CORRUPT CORRUPT CORRUPT

Clearly something to hide following their appalling behaviour over the Nufc takeover saga